Being the best uncle you can be.

Whether you want your own spawn or not doesn't change the fact that you can have plenty of mildly mischievous fun as the aunt or uncle.

I don't have any children of my own yet, my wife and I will get around to producing offspring eventually. In the meantime I tend to pop in on my parents and siblings here and there. Being the youngest in the family of five has allowed me the pleasure of being able to observe the life decisions of my siblings which allows me the unequivocal benefit of seeing the outcome of decisions with little to no consequences. A notable blessing if I may say so myself.

With this in mind and always thinking it would have been awesome to have a "cool uncle", I truthfully do my best to be a good, maybe even magnific uncle to my nephews. I aim for at least good uncle for my niece (that is a whole different story all of its own). I do however watch out for my niece. Family is family.

My sister and cool ass brother-in-law have three badass boys. Even though I have three uncles I didn't really have a cool uncle. Now on the rating scale for uncles "cool" is just entry level in my opinion. To me, these kids will be taken care of damn close as if they were my own. However, the parents decide how they are raising their own children, everyone needs to respect that.

All of this aside it means as one can conclude being the uncle I am. I am always aiming to exceed which means I enjoy dropping in. If the nephews are chaotic I can pop smoke when it becomes overwhelming, sorry guys. I'm going to pay for all the things I have done...

Nerf machine gun - Check 24oz Energy - Check Mission briefing - Check

Allow me to share the story of...

How I taught my sister not to randomly drop anyone off for me to watch over for the entire day when only 2-3 hours was agreed upon.

A few years ago when I was a house owning bachelor my sister asked me to hang out with her son who was spending the day with my brother's son, no problem! This will not interfere with any of my plans because they don't start until the evening. Oi vay, not the case my dear friend. My sister decides to embrace her freedom and lavish longer than previously agreed upon in her alone time. No I do not mean that both her and the brother-in-law were without burden therefore frolicking into intimacy. I might have been more understanding and let that slide.

I might have been more understanding and let that slide.

From what I hear you are supposed to knock out all of those playful adventures while you are without kids. I can see why someone would be tempted to take just a little more leisure time, I really do. But damnit! I have some things I need to do. So I call my sister and inquire into what the malfunction is, this needs to be resolved stat. Thankfully she answers after two rings, that's a good sign. What the fuck do you mean you won't be back for another three hours!?! This is some bullshit! I got this though. You see, my nephews enjoy paintball, they also are fine with Nerf Guns. Evening time isn't far away from us by the time I make it to their town. The exit passed their exit is a Walmart. Inside my mischievous, calculative mind a plan, an ambush if you will is forming.

Upon entrance into the Walmart we head straight for the Nerf Guns. Have you walked the aisle with the Nerf toys recently? They have really stepped them up a few notches. After some brief conversation we decide on what is basically an easily carried machine gun of large foam, rubber tipped mini missiles. Of course they each needed one with extra ammunition for the upcoming raid.

At checkout it seems as if every store is attempting to capitalize on impulse purchases, those coolers and candy there are not only there for your convenience. This particular time they were very convenient for me because I intended to purchase some energy drinks for my nephews. 12oz is not good enough for this, give us an extra 24oz please, thank you. We have roughly 20 minutes before we arrive at our target. Do you boys know how to perform a basic ambush? Allow me to teach you. You both had better slam that poison and listen up. I break what I expect them to do down to Barney level as I head towards the destination. I do realize I am unleashing hell upon my sister's family but "fuck it" I'm not getting out of my car or pulling into the driveway, I will come to a complete stop as the nephews exit my car. I have places to be and things to achieve. As the guys get out of my car I snicker as video of the upcoming events play through in an outrageous comedy in my mind. It seems that the troops did execute the mission precisely as explained thus flanking without causing friendly fire or fratricide. How did it all go down, I don't actually know I wasn't there, I was out at the local dive bar. I did hear legend though. Life is a beautiful thing, cheers!